


hallelujah

by abbyli



Series: and all is well [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And they know that they can never be a family together, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Oops there's a baby, So lots of FEELINGS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 03:11:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12160338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyli/pseuds/abbyli
Summary: The ultrasound glared at her mockingly. She stared at it, so hard that her eyes started to blur. When the three pregnancy tests came back positive she was so sure it had to be wrong. That there was some mistake. But three days later, her doctor confirmed to her her worst fear.She was pregnant.With Frank Castle’s baby.





	hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidnightStorm6593](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightStorm6593/gifts).



 

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The ultrasound glared at her mockingly. She stared at it, so hard that her eyes started to blur. When the three pregnancy tests came back positive she was so sure it had to be wrong. That there was some mistake. But three days later, her doctor confirmed to her her worst fear.

She was pregnant.

With Frank Castle’s baby.

Falling into bed with the Punisher had been a bad idea from the start. Matt had known, he _knew_ the moment he laid eyes on her the next day. The shame was heavy on her shoulders but now…

Now she felt no shame.

Only relief.

Frank had left before the night was up and she hadn’t spoken a word. She laid in bed, pretending to sleep on while he dressed slowly, his body still taunt with tension and the pain of his wounds. Her eyes fluttered shut before he saw her, and she literally stopped breathing for a moment when his lips brushed her forehead.

And then he was gone.

She didn’t think she would ever see him again. That night…that night was not supposed to happen. But it did.

Karen’s finger slides over the edge of the ultrasound picture. Her baby was no bigger than a peanut right now but soon… _soon…_

Oh god. This was really happening.

She was having a baby.

The Punisher’s baby.

Holy _shit._

-;

Her stomach begins to swell just so on the fifth month. She starts wearing looser clothes and cardigans even in eighty degree heat. Karen isn’t sure how she’s going to break it to Ellison that she’s going to need eight weeks of maternity leave in a few months. She’s pretty sure her job is going to be on the line.

Matt hears the second heartbeat on the sixth month.

“Karen…wait…”

Her hand’s on the door of his office. If she runs he will surely catch her.

Matt’s eyes are visible behind his pale glasses, blank gaze settled somewhere she cannot see. Her own heartbeat hammers in her ears, the blood roaring and oh _god_ why won’t he say anything? Anything at all? Even cussing her out would be okay. She needs this to be over with. She needs this to be on the table so –

“Does he know?”

Well she wasn’t expecting that.

Karen stares at the top of Matt’s head before clearing her throat. “No.”

Matt licks his lips, and Karen can see his hands trembling just slightly. His fingers clench into fists, ducking them underneath the desk to hide them from her. A deep breath rattles his chest and she matches it with one of her own.

“Just…be careful.”

Karen nods. “I will Matt.”

Matt’s nodding too and she knows she has to leave now. Her hand clenches around the door handle, squeezing so hard her knuckles turn white.

She won’t apologize. She won’t feel guilty.

She doesn’t.

Matt doesn’t try to stop her and she doesn’t try to stay. As Karen walks from the office and down the hallway to where the doors lay, she feels something lift from inside of her. Something that had been hanging on the moment she had said goodbye to Matt in that dark room all those months ago.

This was different. A different goodbye that felt…final and they didn’t even say the damn words.

It felt right.

-;

He’s there.

Karen’s almost sure she’s hallucinating when she sees him standing there. Only when he gives her that goofy half smile and calls her ‘ma’am’ to her great annoyance, she realizes he’s truly right there in front of her.

The wind pushes her coat open. He glimpses her swollen stomach before she has a chance to shove the jacket closed and the damage is done. The look on his face is pure panic and she can almost see the wheels turning in his head.

She gives one tiny nod when he asks her that wordless question and for a moment, it seems he will flee.

They end up sitting on a park bench. Snow is starting to fall from the sky in thin flakes and they dust the shoulders of his black coat.

“Are you all right?”

Karen dips her chin in answer, eyes flickering to his bruised hands. He’s been working again. “I’m good.” When he looks to her stomach again, her fingers flex in her lap, almost trying to shield her belly from view. “It’s a boy, you know.”

She had found out three days ago. She’s due to give birth in less than a month and she had waited so long to find out the sex. A simple fear, a tiny ball of anxiousness had built within her over the gender of her baby because what if she had a girl?

She had always dreamed about having a little girl. A daughter that she could spoil and teach life lessons too but once she learned she was pregnant with Frank Castle’s child, those dreams went right out the window.

The relief that had steamed through her when the doctor told her to get ready for a son…

Karen sees the same relief on Frank’s face as the words leave her lips.

“He’s due on December 10th. I’m sure it will be either before or after that date, first babies never come on time.”

He snorts. “True. Lisa was due –“ He stops, swallowing heavily. “Sorry.”

“No it’s okay.” She peers at his face, at the tightness of his jaw. “You can talk about her. If you want.”

Frank nods but doesn’t say anything else. Not that she expected him too.

They sit there until Karen’s teeth begins to chatter from the cold. Night is going to fall soon and she needs to go home. She needs to sleep. She needs to –

“You know I can’t stay.”

Sudden tears spring to her eyes. She hasn’t cried in so long.

“I know.”

-;

Finn Morgan Page is born on December 11th at 2:52 in the morning.

She nearly breaks Foggy’s hand from squeezing so hard, trying her best not to scream as the pain of each push rockets through her body. She doesn’t want her screams to be the first thing her baby hears.

She wants to laugh. She wants to sing.

Finn’s still crying as his wriggling body is deposited onto her stomach. His tiny head turns, already seeking her breast to nurse and she lets him, her fingers brushing over the soft blond hairs. “He looks like you,” Foggy says, kissing her temple.

Only then does she cry.

-;

Finn snuffles and sighs in her arms, his pink bow mouth open as he yawns. She traces his chin with the very tip of her finger, marveling at the sweetness.

The images in her head of the blood, of the death she had so many times are fading.

Replaced by nothing but light.

There’s movement in the hallway.

The ceiling bulbs have not yet flickered on and the corridor is still draped in darkness. She can hear the thud of boots and she waits, heart beginning to thump loudly as she calls out.

“It’s okay, Frank.”

She doesn’t startle when he suddenly appears. Something breaks within her, and there’s a joy that she hadn’t felt.

Frank lingers by the door like a shy child and only walks in, pushing the door shut when she waves him in. He stares at the baby in her arms, eyes wide and glistening with unshed tears that are trying their best to fall. He won’t let them, not even when she carefully places Finn into his arms.

“He’s a baby, he won’t break.”

His laugh sounds more like a sob. Finn snorts, yawning once again. Frank’s almost gaping and the moment would be a beautiful sight if the grief wasn’t so heavy.

Grief for what was lost and a pain for everything that they won’t be able to have.

Finn begins to snore, dropping off into a peaceful sleep protected from all the wrongs of the world.

“He weighs exactly seven pounds and he’s twenty inches long.” Karen’s not sure why she’s telling him that. The facts are worthless. Well not really but she’s not sure what else to say.

What is there to say?

“You named him Finn?”

“How did you --?” The look on his face tells her everything. “Matt found you.”

“Yeah.”

As he rocks Finn, expert hands cradling the small baby, Karen tries her best not to cry. This is the only moment that she will have this.

Her family.

Her eyelids begin to droop. She’s so tired but if she sleeps, when she wakes he will not be here anymore and this will be nothing but a dream.

She reaches a hand out, resting it on Finn’s tiny fingers. “Say hi, Finn. Say hi to Daddy.”

She won’t lie to him.

She will never lie to her son.

Finn snuffles again in his sleep. Frank bends his head to press a soft kiss to their son’s soft mouth and Karen swears she sees a tear fall onto the baby blanket. “I love you.”

_I love you both._

-;

Finn walks when he’s thirteen months old.

Karen does cry when he takes his first steps. Three tottering steps and _boom_ down onto his face he goes. When she swoops down to pick him up, something makes her stop. He doesn’t cry like she expects him too.

He _laughs._

Tears dribble down her cheeks as he grabs onto the edge of the coffee table, concentration evident on his sweet face as he pulls himself up onto his feet again and walks three more steps.

She picks him up then, his joyful laughter like music to her ears. “You did it, Finn. You did it!”

Finn grins, drool smearing on his chin. His hands pat her cheeks, pat her tears and she kisses his forehead.

Frank’s eyes stare back at her under the heavy blond curls.

-;

“Mommy, can I have a puppy?”

Karen chokes on her coffee, shifting in her seat to stare at her four year old. “Sweetheart, we’ve had this discussion before.”

She watches as his bottom lip slides out in a pout. Not going to work this time and she tells him that.

_“Mommy…”_

“We talked about this, Finn.”

“Hmmph.”

Karen hides a smile behind her mug. “But for future reference, when you _are_ old enough, what kind of dog would you like?”

She’s not giving in. Her son _is_ only four but it couldn’t hurt to plan ahead.

Today’s Saturday, a rare day off for the both of them. Once breakfast is finished, Karen gets Finn bundled up in a thick wool coat and they head down to the dog park. She knows that maybe she should stop bringing him here but the absolute delight on his face when he sees the dogs – she can’t take that away from him.

She settles down onto a bench a short distance away from the small playground that had been set up a few years ago. Finn takes off like a shot for the swings, easily clambering into one and easing into the air. She has a book in her coat pocket but she never reads.

Her gaze flickers around to the other people. There are a few dogs but not many, most likely due to the still early hour and the cold.

A large grey pitbull suddenly clampers out of nowhere and knocks Finn right off the swing.

He lands easily into the grass, and she’s standing up to run to him when the dog begins to slobber all over Finn’s face. Her son laughs in delight, reaching up to pat the large dog’s head.

“Baby, are you okay?”

“Yes Momma!”

Karen sits back down, crossing her legs in front of her. Finn giggles again, his gloved hands petting the dog’s head and furry cheeks and the dog’s gives him one big lick up the face. Karen winces, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. The kid’s gonna need a bath when they get home.

“ _Max!”_

Oh god.

Oh _god._

“It’s okay mister!” Finn tells the man he doesn’t recognize as his father. “He’s nice!”

Frank stops, gazing at Finn for a second. Karen can see the recognition settling into Frank’s eyes and she gives the tiniest of waves when he looks her way. His jaw slips open and for a brief second she’s sure he’s going to bolt.

But instead, he kneels.

His large hand rests on the dog’s back, his elbow pressed to his knee. “His name is Max.”

“Can I tell him my name?” Finn asks, directing the question at her. Karen nods. “My name is Finn, mister! I like Max. He’s a good boy!”

Karen blinks hard.

Frank does the same. “Yes he is.” He holds out a scarred hand. “My name’s Frank.” His eyes close again when Finn’s fingers slide around his and it suddenly occurs to Karen that this is the first time he has touched his son since the night he was born.

The father and son talk for a few more minutes, Finn obviously peppering Frank with questions about Max the dog. When Finn’s attention goes back to the dog, Frank rises to his feet and walks over to where she sits.

“I would have thought you would have gotten out of this godforsaken city by now.”

“I got out of Hells Kitchen,” she says. “But New York is home.”

-;

“He looks just like you.”

Karen doesn’t reply. So many people have told her that. She often wonders if what would have happened if it had been the other way around.

She does begin to talk. She tells Frank about Finn’s love of dogs, his constant pestering of her for one of his own. His talent already in art. His nighttime routines. His favorite breakfast food. His favorite color.

She stops talking only when she cannot go on anymore.

Frank’s crying softly beside her, doing his best to hide his tears. It’s all she can do not to get to her knees in front of him and beg him to stay. To stay here in her life and be there with her. Be her partner. Be Finn’s father.

Just _be._

But she know she can’t.

That hope went out the window so long ago.

Finn laughs, gently pushing Max’s face away when the dog kisses him again. His little face is twisted in pure joy and oh it _hurts._

Frank swipes a hand over his face, finally turning to look at her. “Thank you Karen.”

“What did I do?”

He nods towards Finn and Max. “For that.”

And she knows.

Karen glances at her watch. They need to go home and have lunch. Finn needs his nap and –

The words die on her lips.

“Finn, come on sweetie!”

Finn jumps to his feet and jogs over to her, Max nipping at his heels. “Is it time to go home?”

Karen nods, brushing her fingers through his hair. “Yeah, we need to eat lunch, remember? Can you say thank you to Frank for letting you play with his dog?”

To both their surprises, Finn throws his arms around Frank’s knees in a lopsided hug. ”Thank you mister!”

Frank pats Finn on the back. “You’re welcome Finn.”

“Will you be here next week?” Finn asks hopefully.

Frank’s eyes cut to hers and she shrugs.

“I’m not sure.” His fingers tremble, just itching to touch their son one more time. “Can’t hurt to look for me though.”

Finn nods, accepting the answer. He takes her hand and waves to Frank. “Bye mister! Bye Max!”

Max barks, panting as he leans into Frank’s side.

Karen looks to Frank one last time, forcing herself to turn away.

It almost doesn’t happen.

-;

There are no nightmares that night.

His dreams would be plagued with images of his children being torn from his arms but now…. _now…_

He hears Finn laughing.

Max is barking, and Finn’s laughter is all he can focus on.

_“Good Max! Good boy!”_

He waits for the gunshots to come.

They don’t.

He sleeps easy, Finn’s sweet smile and a sea the color of Karen’s eyes carrying him away.

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**Author's Note:**

> Ending it there. Frank did not replace Junior and Lisa in his dreams, he replaced the ugly with the present good. 
> 
> I know this fandom’s been quiet but I do hope I will get some reviews. Thanks guys.


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